beginning or ending

confusing
whether it's beginning or an ending

deadly
i wish i got the answer
immediately

stop from hurts
stop from tears
stop from suffers

i hate myself
hate myself so much
until i wish that i'm not me

till when only i can live for myself
till when only i can think for myself
till when only i can get a great nice happy life
till when only im the "champion"

never never be the most important
never never be at the first place
never never really care much by others

is that i'm too ordinary?
or just i'm not special enough?
or...
i'm not good enough..

maybe i chould be the worst female..
then everyone will take attenttion on me
whatever i did
whatever i say
will be concerned by all
just like the bad guys who wanna keep attracting others' eye-sight

i just want the concern
want to be keep in touch
want to become more important

fail
for 3 years..

fail
for 21 years..

i'm just a false
a great false

how much time i hope to flow down the tears..
how much time i want to be the weak one...

when only i'll be the being protected one..
when only i'l' be the most attractive one..
when only you'll take a glance on me

im so tired
that i dare not to tell you

im so hurt
that i dare not to tell you

im so sad
that im dare not to blame on you

im so lonely
that im dare not to blame on you

looked optimistic
but yet so passive in the heart
lame de...
we are the same species..
pity for both of us..hmmph..

i hope to smile evryday every moment
but u let my tears flow down all the time

i din tell anyone how you treat me
i din tell anyone how we celebrate out big days
i din tell anyone how we contatc every moment
i din tell anyone about the stuffs between u and i
i din tell anyone

i just whisper in my heart..
you never think anything for me...
you never treat me as the important one
you never care me as i wish to
you never protect me when i need it
you never by my side when i need you

all the time
i'm just alone

im single
but in a relationship

kind of complicated
and confusing

i hate myself
cant make a decision
in order to release myself
from sadness

why am i not leaving
just because of i'm trying to wait the changes...
such a long time..
changes and changes
but then it goes round and back to the beginning

im tired
there're pieces of heart
maybe some are lost
bacause flow down by the tear current

i freed myself from home
but i can't free meself from you

maybe is just i dun want to..
but
maybe i could not afford to
could not afford to accept the consequence of the freedom

im the lame one...
just like lame bow bow......



~jocelynn_kityee~